Never Buy another bib!

They say you never know fear until you have a child. I think that's largely true! But if you have a daughter, now, that's daunting. My baby girl is so sweet and saucy, I just know she'll do fine. Even at two, she keeps her older brothers in check. They love her madly, and she's already adept at pulling their strings.

If you have a daughter, then you know what I'm talking about when I say that I've always wanted one, and couldn't wait to do "girly things" with her. But now that she's a reality, I just want to teach her Karate, first. And what about that dumb "Frog Prince" story? Now that I have a daughter, I want to know who's responsible for that.

Sheesh. Give me a break. At my age, if I see ever see a cute little frog wearing a crown I'm going to think I should give in and get the bifocals, first of all. Then I'm going to figure it's just a toad pretending to be a frog, pretending to be a prince! How about that for a story, huh? He's probably a big mess, too, and I'm not just talking about the warts.

Or, maybe it's a girl frog. Bet whoever wrote the story never thought of that. Right, girls? Which means that girl is in a real pickle, or she’s probably a toad, too. Or that frogs eat bugs. How 'bout a kiss? Like thats going to happen (snort). Toads eat bugs, too. Some frogs and toads are poisonous. And isn't there a species of toad that spits? Somebody really needs to do something about this story (Consider this entry "intellectual property").

I’m not saying you should judge a book by its cover, either, because then I’d be in real trouble. But there comes a time in life when you find that most things really are a matter of right and wrong, and that most of us usually pretend to be something we are not, at least on the first impression.

What if we didn’t do that? And don’t you wish you could somehow inoculate your children with your experience, so they don’t have to learn these lessons the hard way? OMG. Did I just write that? I hope my dad doesn’t see this!

You probably see where I'm going here...  But I guess the point is: all that girly stuff is great, but now I have to bring up a Woman!  Yikes. And I thought bringing up Men was tough.

The moral of the story:  If you are looking for a prince, remember that what you see is really what you will probably get.  So pick a good one that puts the toilet seat down and doesn't spit.

We have a weird new tradition in the family: Cupcake night.  It all started with a conversation between us, the Cinchi Moms.  Incidentally, the Cinchi-EZ-Bib started out the same way, along with a lot of other stuff.  But essentially, this is how it went:

We were talking about macaroni and cheese.  I mentioned to my sister, the other Cinchi Mom, that we were doing the one-pot creamy version (no fake box mix!) because I didn't want to take the time and effort to bake it.   Really, that's not it.  I didn't want another pan to wash.  We got to talking about the yummy crunchy topping you put on top when you do the baked version, though.

"It's so not fair that everybody eats up the crunchy part before you ever get to the dish- that's my favorite part," my sister said.  She was talking about the way that moms always end up with the dregs in the dish, or the burnt toast, if you will. Then, "Hey!" she said, you should put the mac and cheese in cupcake holders!  That way, everybody gets the same amount."  Leave it to my sister to think of something so cool...

"Yeah!"  I said, "Only it's a pain in the butt to wash those pans (of course, this was what I thought of).  How 'bout putting them in the paper or foil liners first?"  And so it began.  Mac and cheese, some with crunchy topping, some not (for the persnickety ones).  Individual meatloaves, mashed potatoes, reincarnated left-overs.  Freeze them and pull them out when you need them. 

And Cupcake night: those nights when you are too tired to cook and you have all these left-overs, which usually go over like a lead balloon.  Food looks festive this way, and everyone has fun picking and choosing.  Just load them into the cupcake pan and heat with foil on top, removing to brown up the tops at the end.  Add some garnishes, and poof!  Instant fun!

 

Lately, I'm a Mom on the Edge.  I think this is simply part of being a mom, and I have three children, so there you go.  My sister and I just invented a truly remarkable gadget called a Cinchi, which makes anything into a bib.  Sounds awesome, doesn't it?  It is!  You can read all about it at the website, here:  www.cinchi-ez-bib.weebly.com.  I can't live without mine.

But here's the thing.  Our cinchi was invented because we needed it.  Recently, it's come to my attention that we need to invent a few more things.  Here's my short list.  You might think I'm joking, but I may actually make these items available:

A necklace with a microchip and speaker hidden in it, with a button you can press.  A loud male voice will then boom, "Listen to your mother!"  Or, maybe, "Go to your room!"  Or, how about, "Stop licking your sister!"  Okay, maybe not that one, but I actually did find myself saying that recently.  Yet another thing I never expected to say...

Pants with a velcro seat: Most useful for keeping my two-year-old in her seat in the grocery cart.  I don't know about you guys, but for me, those straps on the carts do nothing.  My baby girl is probably Houdini, reincarnated.  Nothing can hold her, including me. By the time I leave, I'm using the football carry, and pushing the cart with one hand, while Rae clears the shelves and the clerks yell, "cleanup on aisle 3!"  It's just lucky they all think she's cute...

I figure I'll strap one side of the wide velcro pad onto the cart seat, and the other onto the back side of her pants.  I'd use Super Glue, but this is reuseable, you see.  It might work in the highchair, too.  Hmmm.  I might get some shopping done, after all!

Those are the latest.  But it seems that every day brings new inventions, so If I come up with more, I'll definitely share them!